Melancholy- Al-Raffay Mirza

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Wrote this poem when I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the sweet age of 16. Being a male in an immigrant family meant a huge stigma around mental health, so I never felt comfortable talking to my family about it, and initially not even my friends. Around then is when I first took to writing these things, not sure whether to call them poems, songs, prose, or diary entries; it was therapeutic. For this specific piece, I took inspiration from Van Gogh, as he has been my favourite painter since I can remember. Something about his art just speaks to me, evoking deep emotions and thoughts with feelings of ennui and melancholy. My favourite painting of all time is "At Eternity's Gate", a depiction of an old man on a chair with his face in his hands. The painting just screams anguish and torment without one even knowing the context behind it. Unfortunately, I have been at the edge too often, and this poem is just one of dozens more representing my struggles with mental health. I hope to get better, however, I can't help but feel like an animal trapped in a cage, a prison of my own doing, stemming from my own self-destructive habits and unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you ever feel like you're "At Eternity's Gate", please reach out, to your friends, to your family, or even me through Twitter or Instagram. Please feel free to call the Canadian Hotline, don't let it defeat you: 1-833-456-4566.